Question by jenna: Is this your dark side? Aries, Gemini, Taurus Etc Etc?
An ARROGANT ARIES will tell you how much he loves you, but in the same breath, that you must be eliminated becuse you are getting in the way of his plans for total world domination. He will also leave his dirty socks around and burn the toast.
A TOTALITARIAN TAURUS will boast and brag and bully you into submission, but just one little word of sarcasm from you and you will find him balled up in the fetal position crying in the closet. Also, a Taurus can’t have sex without picking a fight first.
A JABBERING GEMINI will steal your money and then help you look for it. Also he’ll make up wild stories about your alleged bisexuality and tell them to his friends. A master of miscommunication, he’ll keep you home alone, by the telephone, waiting fo his call.
A CALLOUS CANCER will give you a gift and then make you pay for it, not with money, but with sexual favours, emotional blackmail and pieces of your soul. An expert hostage taker, a Cancer uses self-pity and sarcasm to torture his victims and rap them in a prison of low-self-esteem.
A LAZY LEO will do everything to woo you … date you, charm you, move in with you, impregnate you and spend Christmas dinner with your family, yet, while filling out a job application, still check the box that says his status is “single”.
A VENGEFUL VIRGO will turn up his nose at your taste and then slowly begin to mold you into his vision of the perfect woman. You can never please him, but if you try to leave, he will stalk you for the rest of your life to try and get you back.
A LASCIVIOUS LIBRA is the first to tell you “I love you but I¹m not in love you.” He might as well pee on your leg and then tell you it’s raining… soon you get the sense he/she are keeping their options open in case someone better comes along.
A SCHEMING SCORPIO is voted most likely to try and convince you to have sex without a condom. Later on in the relationship, he will also try to convince you that having three-way sex with a hired prostitute is the only way to save your relationship.
A SILLY SAGITTARIUS will chase you and woo you until he has pierced you with his arrow of love. You’ll soon realize you are just another pelt on this hunter’s belt after he tells you all about his plans for his next romantic conquest, shortly after having sex with you.
A CAPITALISTIC CAPRICORN will coldly pretend he is in love with you, as long as you are useful to him in terms of social or business connections. This social climber doesn’t want a girlfriend; he wants a pretty parrot with no mind of her own who faithfully repeats what he says.
AN ASSININE AQUARIUS will go on for hours and hours about your deep connection as soulmates then forget your birthday. Easily distracted by pretty colours and shiny things, this flighty man is easily led astray by other women.
A PIOUS PISCES can only be described as “Christ without, Satan within.” This long suffering martyr has a Ph.d in co-dependency and knows how to reel women in with shiny promises. However once you take the bait, you are trapped forever in the belly of the beast.
Answer by Amaury
I’m a Gemini.
Nope, not even close. I laughed at how ridiculous some of these were, though.
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Question by VirgoChic: Are Sagittarius guys players?
My cousin has been seeing this Sag guy for two years. They see eachother once every 2-3 months and hook up..and he acts sweet to her but when they are not together he is an ass to her. What is going on here? She’s a Capricorn.
I’m a Virgo just trying to help out ; )
My cuz really cant get over this guy. Any advice?
Answer by Incredibly Misunderstood
I’d say some are, but not all. I know a few sag guys that are afraid of committment and like to play the field continuously, and a few that are in a committed relationship.
They tend to be mean if they don’t get what they want or they found someone else that they like.
Superficiality can be a big problem, and with you two being earth signs, he can be a little too inconsistent and unpredictable for u two I’d say.
Only thing I can think of, is if his behavior gets to be a problem, then she should look for someone else more consistent. It’ll be hard, but she would just have to get over him. Maybe another earth sign, or a water sign would be great for her.
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